Exploding Eggs
by GaladInzel
Summary: a nine month pregnant Emily gets bored deciding she wants a snack she figures how much trouble could she get into . Well that's at least what she thought. Oh Boy! Dave was going to kill her *Chp.2 is New*
1. Chapter 1

_**So my friend dared me to write a Dave and Emily pregnancy One-shot, I don't usually right this pairing in fact this is only my third real fanfic but I hope you all enjoy it**_

Emily sat on the couch staring aimlessly at the wall she pondered smacking her head against something anything but she know that would just make things worst at least with Dave. She sighed as she looked at mudgie "Yeah you're real great company." Mudgie just lifted his head whined and went back to sleep "Great even the dogs bored."

Emily was bored actually bored didn't even begin to describe how she felt and there was only one person to blame for this boredness. Yes, only one person and his name was David freakin know-it-all Rossi. Oh, her husband thought he had the best intentions light bed rest for the next two weeks until there daughter debuted well she'd show him. Humph. Slouching deeper into the couch Emily groaned logically she knew it was her own fault too much stress working to hard but the hormonal side cursed the day David Rossi found out she was pregnant heck made her pregnant and he thought he knew what was best for her obviously not since she was in this position.

Of course it had all started as a normal day catching unsubs, teasing Reid and Morgan and then bam the next thing she knows she was in the hospital with a very irritable prissy grumpy you name it Rossi who had strictly banner her from leaving the house heck if he had his way she'd never leave the bed.

Now she was stuck in there house, more precisely stuck on there couch bored to tears. Letting out a sigh she picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Rossi." His deep baritone voice filled the room

"You have forty minutes to get home before I leave and do something you won't like." Emily informed him

She heard Rossi chuckle "Why hello Dave how was your day." He mimicked her voice "My day's been great Tesora I'm packing up right now I told Hotch I was taking a half day." Rossi's voice went up another octave "Oh, honey you're the best. I know Cara"

"Shut up" Emily growled, "I'm bored, I own a gun, and I'm pregnant with your child none the less. You should be more sympathetic."

"Em, you've called me every hour on the hour for the past two weeks sympathetic went out the window when you threatened to castrate the male population with a spoon. But I'm feeling generous I'll be home in forty minutes."

She could see the self-satisfactory smirk over the phone. She may have been a little bored and she may have wanted others to suffer but really, there was only so much a person can do in this house before the get cabin fever.

"Promise, because I don't know how long I can put of cleaning something or worse." She was going to lose it honest to goodness if there wasn't some relief in the boredom department "and since we own spoons in this house I know exactly what to do with them if you're not home ASAP."

"Now, now no need to make threats to my manhood I'm heading to the car right now I'll be forty minutes maybe a little later depending on traffic."

"Use sirens."

"Do you want Hotch to kill me?" Rossi chortled, "How about I pick you up some Ice cream and steak to make up for any sins I've committed."

"Mmmmmm." Emily hummed, her newest craving had been steak and ice cream together she especially loved strawberry ice cream on top of her steak " you sure know how to sweet talk a girl"

"We'll I've had some practice" He Joked "I'm in the car I'll see you soon."

"K, love you." She laughed rubbing her swollen stomach.

"Love you too, stay out of trouble." He quipped before hanging up

"I'm nine months pregnant how much freaking trouble can I get in." Emily yelled into the phone, before realizing that all she heard was the dial tone. "Of course, fine be that way." She ranted "Trouble, seriously trouble come on. Who does he think he's talking to I'm not Reid I don't attract trouble!"

Emily threw the phone to the ground causing Mudgie to yelp and run out of the room. Sighing she pulled herself off the couch and attempted to pick it up. Growling she couldn't bend far enough to get it

"Fine be that way you'll just have to wait until Dave gets home before you get off the ground."

Mid rant Emily's stomach growled sighing she looked down "Well baby I guess since daddy's not going to be home any time soon to feed you mommy's going to whip herself something up."

Emily waddled towards the kitchen pondering what delicious snack she could make and clean up before her knight in tainted armor returned with her dinner.

"Hmm what do we want?" She opened the refrigerator and scanned "Hmmm homemade lasagna with frosting, nope, tiramisu with gravy and pickles, nope, hmmm baby what do you want." As she continued her scan she felt delight as the perfect snack came to mind "boiled eggs covered in chocolate sauce and peanut butter" she said and felt a swift kick at her kidney "I'll take that as a yes, plus how hard is it to boil eggs, I mean not even Morgan can mess this up."

With her mind made up, she pulled out a saucepan filling it halfway full of water before placing two eggs into the pan. She turned on the burner before placing the pan and turning the timer on.

"Hmmm, ten minutes and then you and me baby will have the most delicious snack in the world." Emily rubbed her stomach. "But until then me and you are going to take a little cat nap."

Emily walked out of the kitchen and laid down onto the couch "I'll just close my eyes, being bored, getting mad at daddy and making our delicious snack is tiring." Those were her last words before she fell into a deep slumber all thoughts of eggs, peanut butter and chocolate forgotten.

CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM CM

Emily woke to the sound of keys opening the front door and an "Emily I'm home" The first thing that registered was Dave was home the second the eggs. Pushing herself off the couch, she speed waddled towards the kitchen.

"I'm in the kitchen." She yelled

Suddenly the sound of a gunshot echoed through the house. Emily jumped into the air and watched in horror as one of her glorious boiled eggs exploded through the air hitting the cabinets and everything surrounding them.

"EMILY!" Rossi yelled as he ran into the kitchen stopping in front of her. "Emily are you okay, are you hurt." Rossi frantically asked her. After doing a once over he noticed the awe and horror on her face he following her gaze he saw the splattered form of burnt eggshells and egg all over the kitchen.

"I only wanted boiled eggs." Shock still evident in her voice, she couldn't believe it. It was like sci-fi movie, she didn't know eggs could do that.

Once his heart rate began, returning to normal Rossi couldn't help it he laughed as the tension left his shoulders only his Emily could cause an explosion out of eggs. "I thought I told you to stay out of trouble." He pulled her into a hug as tears began to flow out of her eyes.

"I know but even Morgan can make boiled eggs." She whined

"Yeah, I don't know how you pulled this one off." He kissed her forehead "But I'm sure Reid can tell us."

"Oh no, Heck no you aren't telling anybody about this." She smacked his arm "Heck no I have to live with these people. Not going to happen not on your best day."

Rossi chuckled "Alright, but so you know I reserve the right to use this as ammo."

"You would." She mumbled looking around she noticed a distinct lack of food "Where's my food."

"Well I was more concerned by the apparent gunshot and my wife and unborn child than steak and ice cream." Grinning he gave her a quick kiss.

"Well Mr. Rossi as you can see I'm alive and well and starving. Feed me." A pout formed on her face. She knew that he could never resist the pout.

"I'm going, no need for pouting Tesora, and no more explosions." However, her luck would fail as he started towards the doorway another explosion resounded through the kitchen once again causing Emily to jump.

As Rossi quickly turned, he noticed two things the look of shock and pain on Emily's face and the puddle of water at her feet.

"Dave, I think my water broke." She whispered her wide eyes may have been comical if there daughter wasn't about to be born. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. This is not happening no, no, no."

Rossi ran to the stove kicking himself for not making sure it had been turned off. Once it was turned off, he turned to his now hysterical wife "Em, calm down, we've prepared for this." Carefully guiding her out of the kitchen towards the front door

"Really, you've prepared to go into labor from a freakin egg, really I must have missed that class please freakin update me!" She screeched leaning over to grab her stomach as a she felt contraction.

"Ok maybe not this exact scenario," he tried placating her "But we've prepared for our daughter coming, we both knew it was going to be soon, just breathe." He opened the door to his truck and helped her in.

"Don't tell me to breathe, oh crap this hurts, why don't they tell you how much it hurts." She gripped her stomach in pain "Just get me to the freakin hospital, if I don't get drugs soon you won't be getting any forever. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

Once the contraction was over, he turned the car down the driveway before speeding down the road "I promise you'll get all the drugs you want okay, just think of the humor behind this story. Think of what we can tell our daughter."

Emily glared at him did he really suggest there was some form of humor in this "Really, please elaborate Dave because I would love to see the humor."

Smirking he looked at her "How many kids can say an exploding egg caused there birth."

Emily laughed he had a point this had all began from an exploding egg who would have thought.

_**Okay so I hope you all enjoyed this One-shot it took a different turn than I thought it would but in all honesty the egg exploding thing has happened to me not the labor but the exploding egg I got distracted and then boom talk about hilarious anyways I would really appreciate reviews they really help me know how my writing is and how I can improve even if it is to just say good job or you need a beta its appreciated Thanks**_

_**-Galadinzel**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Okay so**_ _**BbyStarlette wanted to know what happened next so I thought that I'd give it a thought I'm making a claim right now that I've never given birth so any misconceptions are due to my lack of knowledge and I'm hoping you all like this because honestly it was a stretch for me to write it so her it is I hope you all enjoy it.**_

Thirty hours that's how long she'd been in labor, she was going to kill David Rossi that is if there child didn't kill her first.

"." She screamed through another contraction squeezing David's hand.

"Shh, you're doing great babe." Rossi wiped her brow and pecked her on the lips "You're almost there."

"You said those exact words three hours ago." She cried, "I don't know how much longer I can do this Dave I'm so tired." She was panting as of thirty minutes ago she'd only dilated 8 centimeter she prayed that the doctor would come back and say the magic words that she was ten centimeters dilated.

"I know baby, but you're so close." She gripped his hand as another contraction ripped through her body. As the pain slightly subsided, the door opened to let in the doctor and Garcia.

Emily quirked her head "Garcia what are you doing here?" her eyed the doctor who shrugged his shoulders making his way to check her progress. She closed her eyes as another contraction began at least there were closer but that meant nothing she'd thought she was going to give birth in Dave's truck but that was over a day ago.

"Well chickadee we were wondering if the genetically perfect princess was going to make her appearance anytime soon or if she was just a stubborn as her parents. What better way than to follow your doctor and get a status update." The red head raised her eyebrow daring either Dave or Emily to deny her the information she wanted.

"Garcia" Rossi growled, "I wouldn't recommend pissing off a pregnant woman in labor." He shook his head did he really expect anything less from Penelope Garcia no not really but god forbid he piss Emily off he'd have to face the consequences

"We'll Mrs. Rossi have some good news and I have some how do I put it nicely painful news." The doctor looked up from his position at the head of the bed "it looks as though your almost ten centimeters dilated that means in the next few minutes we'll be ready to bring this little girl into the world."

A squeal from behind the doctor caused everyone in the room to jump "Yay, I have to tell everyone. This is so exciting I can't believe it. Actually what I can't believe is that you went into labor over an egg" Garcia's voice rattled on as one of the nurse's led her out of the room.

"Please tell me we're never letting her babysit our little girl." Rossi's voice was in awe at one of Emily's best friends, "She doesn't need anymore of a neurotic influence."

Emily slapped his arm and snorted, "She means well." She felt her eyes begin to mist over her baby girl was going to be here she couldn't believe it. Her thoughts were running and that's when reality began to seep in what if she screwed up what if heaven forbid she was her mother how was she going to take care of a baby she couldn't even boil eggs what was she thinking.

"Em, earth to Em are you in there." She turned her head towards Dave noticing the worried glint in his eye "Hey you zoned out for a minute you okay?"

Before she could answer another contraction hit. She grasped Rossi's hand as though it was a lifeline and for her it was without him she didn't know what she'd do in life he always kept her calm, he loved her even when she was neurotic and he'd given her a baby. She was an emotional mess she was going to blame it on the hormones.

"Hey you going to tell what going on in that pretty little head." He brushed her hair out of her face

"What if I'm my mother, Dave what if I royally screw this up."

"Hey where is this coming from." He placed an ice chip into her mouth "You'll be an amazing mother, and I know there's no way in hell you'll be anything like your mother you have to much of a heart." That earned him a chuckle

"How do you know that? I couldn't even boil eggs without killing them." another contraction gripped her causing her to cling to Rossi's arm

"Em, first off we're going to blame the eggs on your exhaustion due to pregnancy and hunger. Second, I know you'll be an amazing mother because I've seen you with Henry, Jack and Dominic. If that isn't enough I've seen how you've calmed down children when there victims I've seen the unconditional love you have for everyone. The ways you've silently supported Hotch no matter what Strauss has thrown at us. I've seen the way Garcia and JJ gravitate towards you on a bad day and no matter what you're more than willing to help them. I've seen you be an older sister for Spencer, made Morgan smile and more than once gently put him in his place with Garcia. However, what I know the best is you've fulfilled an old man's dreams come true. Dreams that he thought had been lost forever. I don't want you to ever doubt yourself Emily because there isn't a selfish bone in your body. We may make mistakes but you will never be your mother. This baby is going to be the luckiest little girl in the world."

Emily sniffed "you really know how to talk a girl up." Rubbing her eyes, she tried to remove the tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

"I only tell the truth Cara." Rossi kissed her head "You're going to be an amazing mother."

Emily gripped his hand once again as another contraction hit. The doctor once again walked in "Well Emily it looks like its time for your daughter to make her debut."

"You can do this Tesora." Ross kissed her before taking his position as hand gripper.

"Alright Emily on the next contraction I want you to push okay." Emily nodded her head "Alright ready one-two-three push."

Emily pushed with everything she had it hurt so much. "Okay breath Emily, we're going to repeat this again on the next contraction alright."

She nodded her head. David whispered loving words into her ear "Alright one- two-three."

"Ahhhh." She screamed just as the doctor said, "I see a head you're doing great the next contraction we'll have the head out." Emily vaguely remembers nodding her head before another contraction gripped her body. This was really happening she was having there baby.

"I have the head, on the next contraction one of the shoulders is going to come out I'm going to bring out the other and then you're almost done."

"You're doing amazing Tesora, I love you." She noticed the misty look in his eyes.

Another contraction ripped through her body and then there was a small cry and a flurry of activity. "You have a beautiful baby girl. Dad would you like to cut the cord?"

Dave nodded his head as he moved from Emily taking the scissors from the doctor carefully cutting his daughter umbilical cord. Watching as she was whisked off by the nurses to get cleaned off.

Moving back towards Emily, he kisses her once again "Thank you Cara."

She smile "Next one you're the one who gives birth." He laughs

A nurse brought over a pink bundle "I have someone her who sounds like she wants her mom. Do you want to hold her?"

Emily shook her head vigorously as the infant was placed into her arms "Dave she's so little." The small bundle squeaked and started turning to try to latch onto one of her breasts "and hungry." Emily adjusted to feed her

Dave ran a small finger down her face "she's perfect." His voice in awe "Just like her mother." He stared at the small bundle that had inherited her mother's big brown eyes he couldn't believe it he'd helped create such a gift such a beautifully small gift. When the baby finished nursing Emily passed her over to Dave so he could burp her

Emily and the baby yawned simultaneously "Let me take her Cara, you rest I'm sure Garcia and them will be in here as soon as the can."

Emily laughed, "Maybe we should let them in know that way they can leave and we can sleep." Before Dave could answer, a small knock came on the door

Reid pocked his head in and gulped "I've been sent as the sacrificial lamb to see if we can see the baby now."

Dave laughed, "Yeah kid come on in."

Relief passed over Reid's face before he was unceremoniously pushed through the door and Garcia and the rest of the motley crew entered the room.

"Let me see that little bundle of Italian sweetness." Garcia eagerly made her way to Emily's bedside. Emily laughed before motioning Dave to give her the baby. "Oh she's gorgeous absolutely gorgeous look at those big brown eyes.

While Garcia gushed over the baby showing her off to Morgan and Reid, JJ handed Henry and Dominique of to Hotch and Jack before making her way towards one of her best friends "Hey, how you doing."

"Sore, tired but good I feel very accomplished at the moment." Emily smiled as she watched her daughter be passed from Garcia to Morgan "I can't believe you went through this twice."

JJ smiled her eyes turning to watch as Hotch held Dominic and sat Henry next to Jack, "It was worth it, every single ounce of pain was worth it. It also helps you forget all the pain you go through to get them here."

"I don't think I'll ever forget the pain." Emily shuddered it was worth it put heaven on earth it was worse than being shot.

"You say that now." JJ hugged her friend "I'm happy for you and Dave."

"Thanks JJ, now all we need is for Morgan and Garcia to make a little on." Emily watched as Morgan became enthralled with her daughter and a look of awe and want over came his face. "Judging by that face it may be sooner than we think." JJ nodded

"Emily she's beautiful." Reid said as Morgan placed the infant into his arms "Does she have a name yet?"

"That's an excellent question Reid." Turning slightly towards Dave, "Does our baby girl have a name yet Mr. Rossi?"

Dave rolled his eyes it was common knowledge that even though they had a first name Dave couldn't decide on a middle name. The running joke was that Emily had gotten so fed up that she told him that he could decide the middle name and she was having nothing else to do with the naming.

"Unca Dave what's her name? Can we hold her?" Jack asked him. Jack and Henry had both left their chair and trying to get a better look at the baby.

"Why don't you to hope on the hospital bed and I'll tell you." Dave lifted Jack to sit next to Emily, while JJ picked Henry up. Turning towards Reid, he took the baby and carefully placed her into Jack's eager arms.

"I want you all to meet Marguerite Emilia Rossi." Dave watched as Emily's eye's teared up.

"That's a beautiful name you guys." Morgan said holding Garcia in his arms, "She's absolutely gorgeous and it fits her." Everyone nodded there heads in agreement.

Hotch walked over to Dave clapping a hand to his shoulder "You guys did good she looks just like her mother."

Dave nodded and smiled watching his best friend's sons interacted with his daughter "She did all of the hard work. I'm just grateful she was willing to do it."

"Give yourself credit Dave, you make them happy and that's makes this worth it every single time." Hotch shifted Dominic in his arms turning his attention to the small group with little Marguerite

"She smaller than Dom unca Dave" Jack held the baby as if she was a fragile practice "Look Henwy she's so little." JJ brought Henry down to look at the baby

"No winkles Jackjack." Henry giggled as he softly patted the baby.

"He's right Aunt Emmy Dom had a lot more winkle."

Everyone laughed

"I guess that's a good think Jack." Emily smiled at him as the marguerite began to squirm and yawned, "I think its time for her bed time." Emily motioned to Dave and watched as he picked up there daughter

"That's our cue for us to leave." JJ said "You guys did good we'll come by some time later."

As everyone began to leave, Emily carefully watched her family leave. She watched JJ put her coat on and then Henry's and Jacks before taking Dom from Hotch who then picked up Henry and took Jack's hand as he ushered his family out of the hospital room. She watched Morgan and Garcia leave together and Reid pull out his phone to call Austin. Yeah she had a great family she'd be forever grateful for them.

Once they had all left Emily watched as Dave put there daughter into her bassinet to sleep. Emily smiled as he turned towards her "You should get some rest Em, you've had a couple of busy days." He quietly ordered kissing her forehead.

"I love you." Emily yawned "Thank you for everything."

"No thank you Tesora." He kissed her one more time before she fell asleep. Watching as the two most important people in his life slept David Rossi knew that he was blessed and he would thank God everyday.

And he did.

_**There it is I hope you enjoyed it and thank you to all of those who reviewed I really enjoyed them they meant a lot and for those you who want to I hope that you review this chapter they really keep me motivated.**_


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